live reactions: man united-milan, old trafford

It’s the night of the 24^th down our way, and we have switched on the telly to catch the Ten Sports pundits flaunt their ignorance once again. Listening to them makes us wish we’d had the time or, indeed, the wit, to post a sane, reasoned preview of this semi-final before a result was to be had. “Milan so desperate for goalscorers! They took on Ronaldo! Why would they do that! No one else would touch him!” For the love of rumballs, you have to come from Planet Cretin to say something like that about the greatest player since Maradona. Especially since we’ve regularly been seeing what the man can do after escaping Madrid’s death clutches.

Foolish wittering about Manchester United’s “fantastic campaign” in the Champions’ League (naturally, losing to Celtic and Copenhagen and squeezing out a win against Lille thanks to borrowed genius Henrik Larsson, couldn’t get better) and Milan’s uninspiring form, neener neener, carried through the tournament solely by Kaká, blah blah, coming to this stage in spite of the fact that – oh, the predictably chuckleheaded reaction! – they ‘don’t deserve to be here.’ Hey, chaps: Calciopoli and the UEFA tribunals were both makeshift trials. If match pundits did half the work they were paid to do, these people would know that evidence was, and is continuing to be discovered as overwhelmingly in favour of Milan’s early protests that they were innocent.

And that may, indeed, be irrelevant to the topic at hand: the fact is that Milan has sweated, slogged and sliced their way through this season,

[we pause the rant and unmute the telly to squeal at that Lionel Messi Adidas commercial. Oh, Leo.]

under no illusions that their year has been anything but an unmitigated horror, aging, disappointing, cracking and tiring every other game, but they have pulled through, and anyone who saw Kaká’s hattrick against Anderlecht, or Pirlo’s free kick in the San Siro against Bayern, or Nesta keeping on his opponents out of games for full stretches of ninety minutes bare days after returning from a potentially career-destroying injury, or mewling, puking Pippo Inzaghi’s dream run against defenders ten years younger than he to score that infuriating goal in the Allianz Arena, will know why.

In all fairness to Milan’s detractors, the Berlusconi machine will no doubt try to paint a victory as a moral judgment on the rest of the world for doubting them and be generally infuriating, because heaven knows that Milan’s sense of entitlement, if rather more classily packaged, is as great as anything Manchester United can put on display. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that this game is not going to depend on Berlusconi, or on Richard Drew and Joe Morrison. Let’s give human intelligence – and not just Alex Ferguson’s – a little credit, yeah.

On to the game.

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12.15. a.m. April 25, 2007.

+ Line-up. Not long ago, Paolo Maldini, discussing his ravaged knees, said that none of his injuries mattered when he heard the CL anthem on the field before a game. Il capitano has famously bad taste in music – he likes Beyoncé and Will Smith, of all people. Yet who are we to judge such a one as he?

+ Moving on: Say hello to The Amazing Welshman Ryan Giggs! There’s Alessandro Nesta, expression set to his default “thunderously pissed-off!" Jankulovski winking at the populace – what up, Marek – and the beauteous Gabriel Heinze! Edwin van der Sar! Dida – starting after all! Fully expected to see Kalac there. Good or bad thing? Terrible for Milan that that is such a diffcult question to answer.

Bald Gila (yay, more space to stick voodoo pins on his figurine if he fails again). And Maldini. Could be his second-to-last CL game.

+ Game on. United kicks off.

+ What’s this, Richard Drew calling Milan “classy.” Be still, beating hearts. First time we’ve ever heard him do anything but mumble and kvetch about a non-English opponent. This is the man who called David Silva’s work of art against Chelsea as it happened thus: “Silva, Silva. Still Silva.”

Wanker.

+ Kaká tumbles. As a general point of interest to non-Milanisti: never believe that Kaká is as virtuous as he looks. When it comes down to it, he can use gravity rather more intelligently and favourably to his advantage than that cavalier young Cristiano R.

+ W00t, Nesta slide-tackles Rooney. No wonder Sandro was a superstar before Cannavaro actually came to the international public eye. He can outplay his striker’s game without batting an eyelash – makes him much flashier than Canna, because he can work the whole speed and danger and human-bullet impressions, whereas Canna, bar that insanely perfect World Cup campaign, generally much prefers to slow things down to his pace. Which doesn’t always work. See: La Liga 2006-07 (What a ridiculous league. Fredi Kanouté - Fredi Kanouté! - wouldn’t score goals anywhere else. Utter love).

+ Goal for Man United. DIDA. Always believed that he and Gila should have exchanged places at the beginning of the season – neither can handle goals the way he’s paid to do. No wonder there was a rumour that Barca wanted him. Absolutely no difference between him and the nutty Victor Valdes. (ETA: So it’s actually credited to Cristiano. Sorry, Cwis, no credit from DLG – the blame has been laid. And run over several times with a cleated rolling-pin.)

+ Oh hay Ambrosini.

+ Kaká, straight to van der Sar. Maybe we should stop watching this game. We always seem to jinx the clubs we love. Carletto’s looking tense and caged-up in the away enclosure. Ah, Dida saves a decent Carrick attempt. Carrick, we love you! However, please do not do that again.

+ *we mute the telly and switch on calming music *

+ Gila and Heinze clash. First we’ve seen of the G-monster all game.

+ Perhaps this point of time might behoove a disclaimer: we aren’t really watching the football. It’s pure hyperventilation. So sparkling sports feature writing will be scarce.

+ KAKÁ. Brilliant run, great finish, away goal, trademark ‘ILU GAWD’ celebration. For a secular blog, we must say we’re overwhelmingly fond of Jesus right this moment ourselves.

How’s that totally spurious and underwhelming ‘BEST PLAYA EVAR’ contest going, anyhow, pundits?

+ Giggs rattles the crossbar, which everyone knows is AC Milan’s real keeper. Almost all activity 27 minutes in have been around Milan’s goal, but the idea of a United siege is somewhat far from the mind, as things stand, since the defenders are doing their job. Perhaps they look better than usual because the last European match Manchester United played allowed them seven goals in.

+ Oh, Cristiano falls. Rino, who has been hounding him all evening, is the cause. Handshakes all around. Free kick to Cris. … and the wall gets it.

+ Beautiful Pirlo run and square pass to Seedorf. Art for art’s sake. Reminds us of one of the earliest posts on this blog, where we talked of how watching Pirlo play football occasionally makes us ask of everyone else in the business, “…why bother? Why bother?”

+ Maldini and Nesta foil da Roo. Well, let’s see how the Milan Wall’s holding up sixty minutes into the game.

+ * wander off to find chocolate to stave off the tension*

+ Hey, anyone else think O’Shea is a dead ringer for Philippe Senderos? Is this a good thing?

+ Dear heavens, KAKÁ. The FRACK if that goal isn’t one of the best we’ve seen all year.

+ Nesta’s header off a corner kick. Goes wide. (Never mind, Sandro, the hair’s still Homeric in its terrible beauty).

+ Ooh, yellow for Evra for a foul on Massimo Oddo. He misses the next match.

+ Rino goes to ground. There was contact there, for sure, but the reaction is pure drama, no doubt hoping to get Evra a red. Ref doesn’t buy, but calls stretcher, and does award a free kick for Milan. Pirlo doing the honours. What on earth, the man’s actually sweating. Has his heartrate gone above the usual Pirlo 100?

Probably; it goes wide.

+ Half-time.

+ Kaká’s second goal just gets better and better every time we see it.

+ 2^nd half: Bonera comes on for Maldini. Hm. The 60’-Milan crumble still foreseen, although not now for lack of fitness. Ambrosini gets the armband. What’s the break-up of the vice-captaincy, we wonder? Does Rino get it for Serie A games and Ambro for Europe? Very interesting if that is the case. Very Milan, actually. Fracking byzantine public relations.

+ Carrick misses the sweetest of chances off a corner.

+ .. the hell? Is that the THIRD time Rino’s being stretchered off? This time for good. Go in peace, Rino, and be well. He’s had his own injury issues this season, ribs, ankles and all.

+ Christian Brocchi comes on. We haven’t seen much of him yet. Didn’t he get his first Italy call-up this year?

If it wasn’t for Nesta – and the latent (very latent) genius of Pirlo – we’d put the two defences as equally balanced now; Oddo and Janku are super, but rather not for this sort of game. Too much going forward.

+ Kaka-Seedorf crossing near the United goal. Delightful, if pointless. This time, at least.

+ ROONEY. … Wait, wasn’t that a handball? Oh no, just more proof, United so full of character, Rooney such a genius, such talent and determination, wonderful, marvellous, beautiful, superlative, best thing since rumballs.

+ Goal came on sixty minutes, too. Dun dun dun dun. Where’s that bloody chocolate.

+ Haha. OH HAY DARREN FLETCHER.

+ We come back at 70’ to see Kaká tackle Scholes, get Man United a free kick. Giggs misses. Ancelotti looks troubled, anyhow. Our faces mirror this expression, we feel.

+ Bonera yellow card for tackling da Roo. Crappy move, Daniele. Free kick. Dida tense. We’re off to the kitchen again.

+ But hark! Dida saveth. Someone decided to turn an honest day's profit, after all. That’s what, twice this season, Nelson J?

(Really, why is Marco Storari fourth choice keeper for Milan? He’s one of the sharper keepers in Serie A. And he’s cleaned his hairstyle up a bit since he joined, too.)

+ Heinze-poppin’. Gila collision. Free kick to Milan. Pirlo, as always. Better effort this time. Smothered by van der Sar at the post, anyhow.

+ Dang. Terrific slide from Nesta to cut off Cristiano, but they both crash into the boards. Cue drama queenism from both parties. Or so we hope. Another injury at this stage doesn’t bear thinking about.

+ Wh0a! What a volley from Cristiano! Hits the upright, sadly for him.

How on EARTH do you give this man so much space if you have an iota of sense in your brain?

+ The anonymous Gila off, Yoann Gourcuff on. Youri’s great. In fact, his form in the few matches that he’s had a chance has been so good that it’s amazing Ancelotti hasn’t given him more starts, even in that diamond-studded midfield. Then again, he’d bring the average age of the first team down even further, and we all know how unacceptable that seems to be to the Rossoneri.

+ Ambro crunches Rooney’s ankles. Free kick results. Dida looking pissed off. “Why are you making me WORK, people?”

+ Three minutes to go. Remember Bayern. Eat more chocolate.

+ Injury time. Nesta’s first mistake of the evening. Bloody good goal, that, even if it does repel itself from the foot of da Roo.

Aaand that’s all. Man United 3-2 Milan. See you next week in the San Siro.

watch this space for a real post soon.

man utd-roma at old trafford

+Why is Van der Sar the weak link in this United side, all of a sudden? Commentary all focused on his mistakes. Unfair. He’s no Buffon, but he’s worth the weight of the back line they’re fielding now in gold.

+Haha, de Rossi at the singing of the anthem. Badass. Wouldn’t want to get in his way.

+ Totti goes wide by a fraction. Pundits: “They are attacking.” Honey, please don’t believe everything you hear about Totti’s intelligence. Better still, believe EVERYTHING you hear about Spalletti’s. No-brainer, really, though. Roma need to score, there’s a defence to exploit and an attacking set-up to their advantage. If punditry brings up “defensive Italian football,” now …

+ … and what do you know, it does crop up. Chuckleheads. Richard Drew DLG’s new punching bag. Think little Gila needs a rest, at any rate.

+ Vucinic scrobbles a wide, wide shot. Definitely needs a shave. Maybe more practice, too. Erm, what just happened. Sorry, Heinze distractingly cute. No, worried about why Taddei isn’t up, though. No news on whether it’s injury or not, although we knew the worry existed a couple of evenings back.

+ Carrick goal. Doni, WTF? Carrick man of the future, though. Definite positive advert for United.

* muting channel to avoid commentators going orgasmic re: Carrick’s genius all the same*

+ Dammit, Roma, stop being so afraid of Cristiano Ronaldo. Do NOT give him space.

+ … who is this kid?????

+ Wow, we are watching a nightmare. This isn’t a real game, is it. It’s a game in which only ONE SIDE SEEMS TO HAVE A DEFENCE. AND A KEEPER.

+ Philosophical question: do we owe it to football to keep the telly on? Not about winning or losing, just about needing to catch up on sleep versus waiting out the occurrence of what now seems inevitable. Remember the first Milan derby of the season, when Inter was three up at halftime and ended at 4-3. Of course, that was because the Inter defence consisted of Materrazzi going nuts. Philosophical question #2: Materrazzi versus Rio Ferdinand. Who would win? Discuss.

+ Totters is balding. De Rossi is crazy. Have risen above the football. Damnit, Roma have lost focus completely. Never once saw them give away the ball in the Olimpico game the way they do now.

+ No. of Ronaldo wide shots so far: 3. No. of Ronaldo tantrums: 0. Is there something the camera is hiding from us?

+ Ronaldo goal. 4-0. You know, if we’d wanted to watch PSV-Liverpool we’d have switched on the telly tomorrow. Roma tifosi must feel like Serbia and Montenegro fans right now, watching that World Cup game against Argentina. Have they ever been this bad? Difficult to remember. This the side that pulled the rug from under a very decent Catania earlier this season with a 7-0 victory.

+ Totters free kick. Saved. Half-time.

+ … that Chelsea-Valencia game is the one we need to be watching. Unsurprised at all the fowling, this was always going to be a super-dirty game. That tackle on Sheva, though. Our ankles crunched in sympathy.

+ 5-0. See you in the morning, girls and boys.

t And that's 7-1 to United. Let's go home now.

a hurried announcement

ZAMBROTTA IS UP FOR SALE.

If the truth in that report is worth those capital letters, we beg you, Milan Serie A, bring the man back.

taddei is a good dei

From our scribbled live reactions to last night's Roma-Man United game in Rome, starting around minute 15:


* The Olimpico looks * fantastic. * The pitch is way healthier than the San Siro's. (And Ten Sports didn't focus in the least on the crowd trouble, so all the Eisenstinian headshots of gorgeous well-dressed young Italians cheering their team on = FTW.) What an atmosphere. Have we ever seen Cristiano Ronaldo look more harried? Can't remember.

* Damn, but Man U are tight, even when they're screwed up. Van der Sar class act as ever, even without a ton of trouble from this game.

* Why does a set piece around the Roma goal inspire much less fear and loathing than one around a Milan goal? Brazil's #1 is Dida, not Alexander Doni. We like Doni. Capable enough. Hell, compared to Dida even Cristiano Doni'd look capable enough.

* SCHOLES SENT OFF! Well-deserved. Totts such a drama queen, though. And Chivu. Gotta love Italy.

* Spalletti's pate - cannot ... look ... at .. screen. Guh. Shiny.

* Can't imagine Roma pulling together with such a semblance of assurance if they'd gone a man down.

* Perrotta booked for simulation. Gotta kick Italy.



* The Taddei goal. SWEETNESS. Fine piece of work between Totti, Mancini and himself. All the better for Rio Ferdinand having one of his characteristic 'where am I and where is my packed lunch?' moments. Ten Sports commentators total wankers, though. Glad to have semi-public forum to be biased and partisan ourselves. Aren't getting paid for it, though, are we.

* Half-time. Think Man U's unfamiliarity with Roma really rattled them. Dreading Ferg's mythic powers, though: are they going to come out calm and composed and all figured out on how to beat Roma 6-1 in the next 45? Beyond cool if Man U came on with three strikers.

* Gary O'Reilly is cool. Half-time snapshot of Chelsea-Valencia at 0-1.

* HOLY FRACK, WHAT IS DAVID SILVA ON???

* Oooh, shiny tunnel. Olimpico rather obviously showing up as no poor cousin of football's La Scala up in Milan. Football better, too.

* Be still, beating heart, art thou feeling a wee bit sorry for the globally consistent booing of Cronaldo? Surprise us all the time. This is harsh, though, by any standards. Would hate to be in his slippy shoes.

* Roo and Ron let some of the class show. Good goal. Nesta would never have let it happen. Then again, Nesta would systematically chop his toes off before playing for Roma. Too bad, they could use ... ouch, wide shot on Man U goal from Daniele De Rosii. He's kind of sucking on and off. The wasted chances so uncharacteristic of Roma's usual big games. Totters being usual prickly selfish self. Give someone else the fracking free kick for once, man. Roma really need an alternative (read: better) dead ball specialist.

* GO VUCINIC! Spalletti, we <3 ur brane.

* Solskjaer yellow card. More pretty things in the Roma stands. Ole comes off, Fletcher comes on. Bye, Ole. Competent tonight, Fletcher?

* Have we ever seen worse attempts on goal than some of Roma's tonight, or is the tension just making us crabby?

* Cristiano, you little diver.

* OH GOD, LOUIS SAHA for Giggs. No, please, not more pace! OMG, imagine if it were Henrik Larsson.

* Rosi for Taddei. ... interesting? Defend, Roma, defend for the love of Maldini! Ah, Heinze yellow card. Crap tackle, crap diving. So that's what you do, is it, Rosi?

* WHISTLE. Roma 2-1 Manchester United. Football, we love you.

More later.

preview: roma-man united

Item: We only just realized that Sevilla are going to be in the Champions' League next year. Score. That team rocks louder than sixty-something superbands in the Wembley in the early nineties.

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Ignoring the Bayern-Milan match tonight, as we have not our smelling salts to hand, we thought it was time to take a look at how things have been leading up to the Roma-Manchester United game, alternately touted as an easier go than even PSV-Liverpool and more exciting than Jagger and Richards in the same dress. We had the opportunity to catch Milan play Roma over the weekend and found it far more exciting than anything on offer from their opponents. Still, playing Blackburn will do that a a team, one expects (Don't say no, we're Arsenal fans).

Milan escaped, of course, borne on the successful return of the man who was once the other prince of Rome, Alessandro Nesta, and a blatant dive from the canny Ronaldo that earned Milan an Andrea Pirlo free kick which, surprisingly enough, was converted. By Gilardino.

... yeah.

Roma played their natural game, throwing everything forward and dazzling the rheumy eyes of their opponents. Punditry seems to believe that this will not be the case in the first leg of the QFs, to be played out in the Stadio Olimpico on Thursday night. Roma's strategy against Lyon involved them pulling off the ugly, gritty defensive style with equal aplomb before proceeding to demolish them in the away leg in France. Now this might work against Man U, in as much as anything ever works against what is undoubtedly Europe's best football team. It often pleases us to see how United succeeds so well in becoming greater than the sum of its parts, which is, alright, probably a necessary feat when your parts include such characters as Wayne Rooney and Gary Neville.

As always, one cannot help but mention Fergiemort, that red-nosed glue that manages to hold the baby Bentleys, and a lot of their older counterparts together (seriously, do you see why Henrik Larsson was a breath of fresh air to this man?) After he singled out Daniele de Rossi - who put in a very creditable performance in the Nazionale's win against Scotland last week - and Amantino Mancini for praise when asked about his opponents, Fergie aroused the wrath of the most easily miffed man in Serie A, the singular (and aren't we grateful for it!) Francesco Totti.

Although Sir Alex was grace itself on the subject of Roma's bandiere later in the week, calling him the "architect" of his side and key to everything United threw at Roma, the wrath of Totters, to whom the Guardian also paid glowing tribute earlier, was awakened enough for him to make yet another go at tickling his tonsils with his toes.

“I hope I will make him remember my name. They are planning to ‘cage’ me? My opponents have always tried to do this with me, maybe when I grow up I will work in a zoo, I am used to cages!” added the world champion.

We do believe we would love this man if we had woken up on the right side of bed the day we were made aware of his existence.

We know United is having serious problems in defence - with Nemanja Vidic out injured, the only man over there capable of so much as being noticed by an on-form Roma is the lovely Gabriel Heinze. Unless Rio Ferdinand takes something that makes him hesitant to pee into a cup after it's all over, we cannot see him pose much of a problem to Roma's centre-forwards. What will be interesting to see is how Roma's relatively inexperienced but tight back line will cope with United's own midfield.

The odds are atill stacked against the Italians, of course, simply because with all their problems, United are capable of putting the fear of Ferg into the hearts of braver men. We only hope that the contest is as worthy as we can make it.

Endnote: And because we can't but display our partisanship yet again, we will drop the first-person plural for the first time in living memory to say: Milan, tu sei tutta la vita mia.