guest blogger: g. savonarola

Do you realise how disgustingly large the amounts of money football clubs in Europe have spent this season on human trafficking has been? Have not the individual efforts of Barcelona, Man United, Chelsea, Liverpool and Inter been so audaciously, suffocatingly, global-hunger-inducingly wasteful that you sink back in horror, completely certain that you will not be able to bear to directly look at the larger picture, in which the combined efforts of these monstrous regiments is supplemented by the lesser but by no means absent wickednesses of Madrid and Milan, who by dint of an unholy mix of guile and incompetence have incandesced the conflagrations around the slave trade of the noble if unlettered and savage spirit embodied by the modern footballer?

Fuck that shit, I say!

Stop averting your innocent eyes! Stop mumbling about boycotts! It will all burn in the eyes of the righteous! In the name of the now-despoiled young Alexandre Pato, SAVE THE SOUL OF FOOTBALL! Hope that they are all kicked out in the group stages of the Champions' League! I look forward to it, yes, look forward with thirsting spirit to the time when in the space of a single fortnight, United, Chelsea, Liverpool, Madrid, Barcelona, Milan and Inter are all ejected ignominously from the Big Cup's preliminary rounds! [And Lyon, who can go to join their fallen sisters in sin, Bayern Munich, in the UEFA Cup.] SKY Sports has to fire all its commentators because they know nothing about the truly worthy remaining competitors! Let the final be a beauteous pyrotechnic display of open, flowing football between Roma and Sevilla, so divinely inspired by the Hand of God celestial music of the spheres that their own supporters, among Europe's least civilised, sit quiet as savage beasts soothed by the pipes in a freezing stadium in Moscow one year from now! May there be a ten-goal thriller that ties the match at 5-5!

And somewhere, somehow, may Arsenal still end up winning the Cup!

Take that, you unrighteous sons of. MAMMON.

[And while we're at it, please let's relegate Juventus Ju-Know-Who again. I'm already tired of them.]