in which we draw useless parallels to the ongoing world cup.

+ Given where Pakistani cricket has ended up, we have to wonder if there are any stars meant to be thanked for the way Italy's international campaign turned out last year.

+ Given where Indian cricket has ended up, a solution to the public woes might be for people in this land to stop perving over the English team and support Portugal or something.

+ Given where Australian cricket is - where in hell is Australian football, and where is that large bed under which to hide when in unleashes itself?

+ Has football advertising ever produced an ad as delightful as this one? Answer: No. Because there are no Konkani footer ads.

friday afternoon milan blogging. now with added gila-grumble.

"No, you pay me the compliments FIRST, then I give you the goals."

Zomgggggggggg. r u kidding me.

Milan has no faith in Gila? Why, the villainous bastards! Who wouldn't put faith in a boy who ISN'T PLAYING WELL for them?

We felt sorry for Gila at the start of the season. We'll bet it's difficult adapting from a smaller, friendlier club or city to big, cold, glittery Milan. Especially when you landed up in the first place reasonably expecting to play second fiddle to the modestly talented Andriy Shevchenko. And to be fair, he did show a modest amount of promise. He's no Baggio (he's no Del Piero, if we must), but who are we to deny that it takes something to play up front for Italy.

But you know what? He's just not good enough. And whether or not its fair to put him under so much pressure just because he plays for a club with all that harping on Tradition and History and Did We Mention The Seventeen Scudetti And The Five Champions' League Titles?, it is totally unacceptable to say they owe him a bedtime story and a fluffy kitten for his birthday. Eight goals in a season where the top scorer already has eighteen? Doesn't put you in line for Best Thing Evar. Sorry, darling.

We like the boy. But he annoys the fuck out of us.

In other news, Gianluca Zambrotta isn't going to Milan. Of course he isn't. The only really worthy successor to that leftback position and he isn't going. It's just as well, considering il papa still has about thirty years to go before quitting, and Zambro is just too, too good to play second fiddle to anyone, even Mald--no, no, what are we saying? Stop us before these words cross the barrier of our teeth!

champions league last eight draw.

Will this man's team last long enough for him to make a CL comeback? Also known as, we don't have an appropriate picture and took the opportunity to spam the world with hawt arty pix of Alessandro Nesta.


QF draws are out. Happily, our prediction about Chelsea went wildly off-track. For once they don't draw an unfancied team. TWe expect no shilly-shallying for a Chelsea-Valencia match - this is either going to be a fantastically dramatic game or one so boring that we'll all wish the cameraman would give up on the football and just watch Jose Mourinho already.

The most lopsided of the lot, at least on paper, seems to be Roma versus Manchester United. * DLG ignores the joyful cries of 'PSV-Liverpool!' having no certain idea of which set of fans deserve to cry thus * I don't know if United can take this one for granted, because while Roma's consistency leaves something to be desired, they're coached by a very smart man, and are capable of forcing a game to their plan, as we so enjoyably found in the away game at Lyon. However, United has shown the world just what they're capable of this last season. Heck, aliens on Jupiter probably adjust their satellites every weekend to admire what United's been doing this season. Which is all to say: if Roma lose, it will be to the most apparently worthy foes in the tourney.

The Bayern-Milan draw seems most balanced, both for prestige and form. A DLG innocent of the intricacies of the Bundesliga dare not stake a bet on the outcome of this game. However, Milan fans can rest secure in the knowledge that their club's defence, shaky as it is, is highly unlikely to suffer the ignominy of allowing a goal 9 seconds after kick-off.

If both Milan and Roma win, they will play each other in the SFs (oh goodness, more quotable quotes from Totters. Is it too late for him tot ake lessons on being a good bandiere from Paolo Maldini?). On the other hand, if Roma lose, Milan or Bayern plays Manchester United. What a game to look forward to, either way!

And hm. Chelsea-Liverpool. Chelsea-PSV (... so the Luck of Abramovich may not be entirely in abeyance). Valencia-PSV. No, definitely the most exciting outcome, we think, is a Valencia-Liverpool match.

No predictions from us, however. Only, we would like, in our way, to demurely advance the view that another Milan-Liverpool final? Would be a pain in the arse.

heh.

Eat your heart out, Cristiano.

roundup: champions' league knockout stage

Milan 1-0 Celtic, San Siro

"Milan still dominated possession with Andrea Pirlo, Seedorf and Kaká weaving numerous intricate exchanges..."

With your permission, gracious readers, a pause to reflect, above, on what is possibly the most beautiful image football writing can conjure.

Che bello. As we predicted, it wasn't easy going for Milan against the gutsy, talented Celtic FC, and we applaud both sides for keeping the pressure up. The rossoneri are not the side that could make any team in the world squirm and play for a draw five or six years back, but there's life in the old legs yet. It's interesting to note that a side that looked significantly weaker than several others going in to the qualifiers is now the only remaining quarter-finalist from last years' top eight. Take a look:

Barca-Liverpool: On second thoughts, let's avoid this one.
Arsenal-PSV Eindhoven: Hmm. Does anyone want to bet that, with Chelsea's luck, PSV is the team they get to play in the QFs?
Man U-Lille: We love you, Henrik Larsson. Have an incredibly nice life. Lille - just. Have a nice life. A deserved advancement, Manchester United. Please ensure your wingers don't trip on anything along the way.
Chelsea-Porto: Hi, Jose! We adore the idea that you're likely to have added the CL to your long list of victories by the end of this season. We're just not sure we want you to share it with a bunch of overpaid bullies.
Inter-Valencia: Bah.
Roma-Lyon: Farewell, Juninho. Hello, Amantino Mancini. No, Francesco Totti, no one is talking to you.
Real Madrid-Bayern Munich: Erm. We don't want to seem prejudiced, so we'll substitute our own thoughts with those of a Madridista friend here.

After Cannavaro and Beckham were ruled out, I thought the only thing that could make things worse would be if Emerson played. He did. But even then, how do you concede a goal in 9 seconds, when you are the team with the kick-off ??!!!!

9 seconds ...

Wild cackling? Not from around here, we assure you.

Alright, then. Football is strange. English football is stranger. DLG must dash. Have a nice day.

"he ain't gonna be pretty no more."

Holy mother of Maldini.

Spain is obviously an extremely pleasant place to play top-flight football.

As the country's last hope of Champions' League glory (even we aren't deludoed enough to give an inch to Madrid, whose antics this season have made it more than evident that sometimes, winning a football match is the least glorious thing a club can do) lived up to expectations by vaulting over an injury-hit Internazionale on away goals, one man came up to break the unhappy Nicolas Burdisso's nose. And much blood flowed. Clearly, the continent is now the place to go if the tickets to a Martin Scorsese show have run out. Unhappy young men washing away the standing ruins of their identity and integrity in the blood of other drifters.

Needless to say, we are incredibly disheartened. We love football fights when they limit themselves to superstar bitching and whining. We prefer to watch Scorsese for lessons on the breakdown of male identity.

And thankful we don't appear to support Inter, who are now facing charges from the UEFA that could have some very serious consequences for them, since they carry forward previous incidents of violence (more fannish than on-pitch, we believe) on their record, most memorably the injuring of Dida with a live flare from the stands during a Milan derby in 2005. We also await the judgment on Valencia, which we hope will reflect their rather greater part in yesterday's degrading little mess.

Seriously, people. Has the malevolent power of Craig Bellamy visited itself upon you all?



In other news: Roma pleasantly surprises everyone who thought they were crap. They're going fairly great guns in Serie A, and they're a beautiful team to watch, most times, so we're pleased. No surprises for Chelsea at home versus Porto, and Eidur Gudjohnsen doesn't do enough in that other little game we all forgot about.

notes on the continent

1. Underestimate Celtic? Really, Gila? When even the most dedicated Milan fans among us (and trust me, such people do exist) have been biting their nails for fear of a side that has
a. had a great season in its own league
b. managed perfectly well to defend its unbeaten home record on Milan's away leg
c. managed to give (the, alright, extremely lucky) Manchester United a moment of torrid anxiety, which is more than anyone, even the wondrous Jose Mourinho, seems to have managed so far, and is therefore not unlikely to kick your superclub arse for you? Underestimate a club against which you managed to achieve the high honour of a big fat yellow card? For DIVING?

We wonder why we aren't more relaxed.

2. In other team news, we're extremely interested in Liverpool-Barca, just like you and the milkman and your maiden aunt, because while there was a time when we thought Inter was the best team to back for pulverising itself into nothing from a position of strength, both parties in tonight's Anfield tie seem to have acquired a knack for achieving the same. Reports of the weekend's Sevilla-Barca game astonished us. Bad news and ugly football in Spain - and it DOESN'T come from the Santiago Bernabeu. Shock and awe. English football is allowed to retain its smugness for a while longer. A goodly while, perhaps, considering that almost none of the Spanish or Italian clubs in the Champions League seem to have played themselves into particular positions of strength. Yes, Gila, we are still talking about you.

3. However, while on the subject of Inter, perhaps it is time for DLG to renew its declaration of love for the astounding Zlatan Ibrahimovic. His backheel pass against Livorno this weekend (approx 35 seconds into the video) might well explain away Old Man Lucarelli - who didn't do half badly himself in the same match - who gushingly intimated his opinion of Ibra's superiority over a certain Marco Van Basten.

4. Take a look at that Ajax goal everyone always talks about. Amateur iconoclasts must inquire: does the fact that Ibra fooled the very cameraman with his multiple feints speak for his genius, or the cameraman's incompetence?

All this, and the constant self-reference in third person. Just a little more belly and some drug abuse, Zlatan, and you're all set to give Italy its new Maradona!

"Not tonight, darling, I have a headbutt."